For what it’s worth, when it comes to friends, we are investing in gold
After my vasculitis diagnosis and COVID-19, we found our priorities had shifted
“Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”
If you were ever in Girl Scouts, you probably just started humming that tune in your head. I know I did as I typed it out, and it brought back such warm memories.
Last month, my wife and I packed up our lives in Tucson, Arizona — our home for 25 years — and moved back to Michigan, where we first met three decades ago. Since my ANCA-associated vasculitis diagnosis, our lives have changed in countless ways, but perhaps the most significant change has been in our friendships.
When you’re navigating the chaos that vasculitis so generously delivers — unpredictable flares, endless medications, and the looming possibility of yet another emergency room visit — friendships naturally slide to the background. Survival takes center stage. From 2020, when I first got sick, through early this year, our lives have been about getting through the next hour, the next day. COVID-19 added another layer of isolation.
It wasn’t until last January, when I started on a new medication, Fasenra (benralizumab), which has truly changed my health, that we were able to lift our heads and breathe again. And when we did, we realized something important: We had changed. Our friends from “before” were still important to us, but our lives no longer ran parallel. Their world had moved forward while ours had been consumed by illness.
Our priorities had also shifted. Living with a chronic illness has a way of pushing you ahead a decade or so, straight into craving deeper, simpler connections. We found ourselves yearning for what I call “refrigerator friends” — the kind whose kitchen you can walk into and grab a snack without asking. The kind who feel like home. And, just as much, we wanted more time with family.
You can go home again
So, we chose gold over sunshine. We left the desert we loved and moved back to Michigan.
Already, the decision feels right. Amid the chaos of house hunting, we’ve been reconnecting with the friends who’ve stayed close across the miles and decades. Lunch with Ann and Sarah stretched into two hours of laughter and salty commentary on the state of the world. Dinner with Tracy and Maria turned into long conversations about health, resilience, and the beauty tucked inside life’s challenges. Both couples have been together for 35 years. As my wife and I approach our 30th anniversary, what a gift to share time with people who understand the joy and effort of long-lasting love.
We had dinner at my mother-in-law, Helen’s (remarkable, since she doesn’t love cooking!), alongside my brother-in-law Wayne and his wife, Vicki, who are celebrating 45 years together. Afterward, we played Train, a favorite game I hadn’t touched in years because of fatigue and brain fog. This time, I actually won — in three decades, a family first.
My heart is full. This week reminded me exactly why we moved. Not every week will feel this rich, but I’m savoring this one. Connection is life-giving. In Maslow’s hierarchy, it sits just above safety, right where it belongs. A recent study of more than 2,200 older adults found that the most socially active older adults showed a 42% lower chance of death over four years than their less-engaged peers.
So, to those of you still waiting to reengage with the world: I encourage you to take that step when you can. Reach out. Reconnect. Find your silver and your gold.
Note: ANCA Vasculitis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ANCA Vasculitis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to ANCA vasculitis.
About the Author
Leave a comment
Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published.