A valentine for the people who show up in our lives with ANCA vasculitis

Valentine’s Day usually comes with a lot of noise. Flowers. Chocolate. Big romantic gestures. All of that is fine, but I want to offer a slightly different Valentine’s idea: one that feels especially right for those of us living with ANCA vasculitis.

This year, let’s send valentines to the people who actually show up. You know who I mean:

• The person who sits next to you when you’re exhausted and foggy and doesn’t try to fix it; they just stay.
• The care partner who knows your medication schedule better than you do.
• The friend who checks in without needing an update.
• The doctor who listens — really listens.
• The emergency room team that took you seriously on a scary night and didn’t brush you off.

These are the people who deserve a valentine.

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April 26, 2022 Columns by Allison Ross

Love in the Time of Vasculitis

Giving thanks for our support network

When we were kids, Valentine’s Day was simple. You may have bought a little boxed set of cards with cartoon characters, bad puns, and tiny envelopes, and you handed them out generously. No hierarchy, no pressure, just “You matter. Here’s a card.”

I kind of love that energy for us now.

Living with ANCA vasculitis changes how you view support. You become acutely aware of who is in your corner — not just on good days, but also on infusion days, flare days, appointment days, and the long, in-between days when nothing is technically “wrong,” but everything is still hard.

So this is your permission slip to do something small and meaningful.

Send a valentine to your doctor. Maybe it’s the rheumatologist who didn’t dismiss your symptoms. Or the nephrologist who explains things in plain language. Or the nurse who remembers your name and asks how you’re actually doing. Is your primary care provider right there with you? A short note saying, “Thank you for taking care of me; it matters more than you know,” can go a long way.

Send one to an ER team or provider who got it right. If you’ve ever had a good ER experience (and we all know how rare that can feel), acknowledge it. Those moments stick with us because they aren’t guaranteed. Let them know they made a difference.

Most of all, send a valentine to the person, or people, who support you every single day. The ones who live with the unpredictability alongside you. The ones who adjust plans without complaint. The ones who see the fatigue, fear, and frustration and still choose to stay.

(Card by Sarah Jones)

You don’t need fancy words. You don’t need to explain your entire medical history. Just a simple: “I couldn’t do this without you. Thank you for loving me through it.”

This isn’t about perfection or romance or doing Valentine’s Day “right.” It’s about pausing, briefly, to recognize the ecosystem of care that makes life with a rare disease survivable — and sometimes even meaningful.

If sending valentines feels like too much this year, that’s OK, too. Maybe your valentine is a quiet thank-you in your head. Or a text sent a week late. Or simply noticing who has been there.

That counts.

Because in this community, love looks like showing up.

Pictured to the left is a little valentine I made for you and for the terrific team at Bionews, the publisher of this site. I’m so grateful to be a part of your lives.

Note: ANCA Vasculitis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ANCA Vasculitis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to ANCA vasculitis.