Even with ANCA vasculitis, we can be awe-struck by our own bodies
Healing often happens in slow, subtle ways that are easy to overlook
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Living with ANCA-associated vasculitis often feels like a constant negotiation with our own bodies. Some days, our bodies are unpredictable, unreliable, or even working against us. Pain, fatigue, breathing challenges, and mobility changes make it difficult to feel at home in our own skin. But sometimes, during quieter moments, a different perspective emerges — one that is equally true, even if it’s harder to notice.
Recently, I took a moment to reflect on the healing process after I had a hip replacement. The scar from that, measuring about 8 inches long, has shifted from an angry red to a deep purple, signaling the beginning of a long process of repair and regeneration. It’s not a fast transformation, and it’s certainly not perfect. But it is happening, and that realization can stop me in my tracks.
In bodies that are deeply affected by vasculitis, there is also undeniable evidence of healing. There is a quiet, steady effort happening beneath the surface. Skin is repairing. Tissue is rebuilding. Systems are adjusting. Even when the disease has caused damage or continues to create strain, our bodies are still working on our behalf.
That can be a difficult truth to hold on to. Vasculitis is a systemic condition, meaning it can impact multiple parts of the body at once. It can change how we move, how we breathe, how much energy we have, and how we experience daily life. It’s completely legitimate to feel frustration, anger, and grief about those changes. Those feelings deserve space.
But alongside those feelings, there may also be room for something else: a sense of awe. Awe at the fact that our bodies continue showing up for us, even in the midst of illness. Awe at the small signs of healing that might otherwise go unnoticed. Awe at the resilience built into our biology.
Shifting the perspective
This doesn’t mean ignoring the reality of vasculitis or pretending everything is fine. It means allowing ourselves, even briefly, to notice that our bodies are not only a place where illness lives, but also places where healing happens.
For a moment, it can be powerful to shift the question from “What is wrong with our bodies?” to something else entirely.
My wife, a hospice social worker for 20 years, used to ask patients nearing the end of life a simple but profound question: “What is alive in us today?”
It’s a question that invites presence. It gently redirects attention away from everything that feels lost or broken and toward whatever is still active, still engaged, and still participating in our personal journey.
For those of us living with ANCA vasculitis, the answers might be small, but they are meaningful. Maybe what’s alive today is our ability to take a short walk, even if it’s slower than before. Maybe it’s a moment of laughter with someone we love. Maybe it’s our immune system responding to treatment. Maybe it’s the way our bodies are tolerating a medication better than they did last month. Maybe it’s simply our breath, steady and present.
On some days, the answer might feel harder to find. That’s OK, too. The question isn’t meant to force positivity by any stretch — it’s meant to create space for awareness. Even noticing something as simple as “We are here today” can be enough.
Practicing this kind of awareness doesn’t change the reality of vasculitis, but it can change our relationship with our bodies. It can soften the sense of conflict and create moments of connection instead.
Our bodies, even with vasculitis, are not our enemies. They may be under strain. They may be responding to a complex and difficult condition. But they are also, at every moment, trying to support us in the best way they can.
Healing, especially with a chronic condition, is rarely linear. It often happens in slow, subtle ways that are easy to overlook. Scars fade gradually. Energy returns in small increments. Stability builds over time. These changes may not always feel dramatic, but they are real.
So today, if we’re able, consider asking ourselves: What is alive in us today?
We might be surprised by the answer. And in that answer, we may find not just resilience, but a quiet, steady reminder that our bodies are still working for us, even now.
Note: ANCA Vasculitis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ANCA Vasculitis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to ANCA vasculitis.
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